As I bustled around this morning, I barked my routine commands, "Have you finished your breakfast...GREAT...go brush your teeth.", "Hey, wait a minute...where are your shoes!", "Come on guys...SERIOUSLY, we are going to miss the bus!"
I tidied Fiona's room and pulled the purple, hexagon bedspread back into place as the princess canopy fabric fell around me. "Thump!" I curiously wondered what mysterious thing just fell from my daughter's bed and thanked my lucky star's it wasn't in Keegan's room. (Ha!) I looked at the floor near my feet and there she was...Molly.
Carefully dressed in tiny pajamas, Fiona's American Girl doll stared at me. Tucked away in her bed, I imagined Fiona snuggled in and reading books to Molly before drifting off to sleep the night before. My eyes scanned the room...a mixture of childhood toys and rad, tween dress and jewelry ..things were changing.
Maybe I was in denial. But, I couldn't help but notice over the last few months how the dress, talk and conversation were changing:
"Mom, what do you think of my hair?"
"Mom, can I borrow your lip gloss?"
"Fiona, can you stop texting for a bit..."
And Fiona was changing too, but, flashes of that cuddly, imaginative girl still broke out into song. I was beginning to realize Fiona was caught in two worlds - one of a girl and young lady. I caught myself breathing a deep sigh, closing my eyes for a bit. trying to hold onto something as if it was a "pause" button. So there I was frozen as held onto Molly - staring at her dark eyes and manicured hair...hoping that in small way I could slow down or postpone Fiona growing up. But as any mother knows, I was holding onto the memories and postponing the new experiences and memories to invade.
This job of "parenthood' is definitely a crazy beast...exhausting, rewarding, trying and filled with so much joy. But most of all, it is a privilege to help shape, teach and experience life with Miss Fiona and Mr. Keegan. If it was only for a day or 100 years, I would always cherish being Fiona and Keegan's Mom and never regret this "career choice".
I heard raised voices in the kitchen and finally placed Molly down at the end of Fiona's bed. I knew she would soon be putting Molly to the side too. No matter what I did, I couldn't stop it.
Back to the bustle, however I walked away holding onto the hope that for today and always...she will always be my little girl, Miss Fiona Skye. And that was enough.